The early 1900’s plaster in our living room decided to come loose at the end of spring this year, and the sheer weight of the plaster and danger of it falling kept us scrambling to get help through the first few weeks of the summer. Finally, we were breathing a sigh of relief, looking at a new ceiling, when my wife Denise had a bout of intense pain that led to a trip to the ER. Unfortunately, it was also in the middle of an active thunderstorm.
After 18 hours of very difficult waiting through the evening, night and into the morning of the next day, we finally got a diagnosis and a referral. Long story short, after diagnosis, surgery and recovery, we feel grateful for the help we got, and also a bit traumatized by what we endured.
In the midst of the trips back and forth from the hospital, I spoke with one of our friends, Lisa, about the many difficult challenges around waiting, not knowing outcomes, and the roller coaster of our emotions. She suggested that I might have some raw material for a new song about waiting, and once we had caught our breath a bit, I began to work on these lyrics and melody.
Advent is traditionally a season of waiting and expectation. Another friend, Doug, suggested that these themes might work well in a group of songs for this season. When I listen to the finished song, I hear the beauty of the music and the ache of the difficult emotions working together to provide a safe place to be painfully honest, and a place to feel strangely cared for as well.
If you listen to the instrumentation later in the song, you will hear some notes from a harp ringing out. I was very surprised and moved to hear a kind and gifted harpist playing in the hospital lobby while I was waiting for Denise to get out of surgery, and I wanted to include some beautiful sounds from that instrument here as well.
lyrics
Lyrics and Music: Wade Baynham
I remember the heartache in the waiting
And wondering if you would be alright
We both sat watching the sunset turn to the darkness of the night
But we couldn’t see a single star-- clouds were blocking the light
We kept our distance from the others
There was nothing else that we could do
We kept asking for some answers-- and did not even get a one
Waiting all night in the ER, hoping for help to come
We waited with no promises-- we waited with heavy hearts
Had control taken from us-- the pain trying to push us apart
Through hours of soulless tv shows the night crept towards the day
With our questions still unanswered and our strength fading away
We had joked after the sunset
Seeing the sunrise would break our hearts
And when colors began to appear-- in the dawn of the morning sky
The weight of all that waiting made us both just want to cry
Then I had to leave you there alone
To take care of a few things back at home
I waved at you through the window-- you waiting by yourself
I had to tear myself away-- with all my fear about your health
we wait for death
we wait for new life
we wait in all our fears
The hurt searing through our souls
God, we do so much waiting
We feel so frozen in time
It never gets any easier
With our lives on the line
So they finally found you a bed
And we could finally get some rest
We kept waiting on the doctors-- and I squeezed your hand tight
Hoping we’d finally get help -- and that you would be alright
We wait without promises, we wait with heavy hearts
With control taken from us and pain trying to keep us apart
We suffer and we all wait as day turns night back to day
Our questions still unanswered-- is our help on the way
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