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Crucify

from Seeing You in Me by wade baynham

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When I first heard this song, I really liked it for reasons I couldn’t quite define. It certainly wasn’t in my conscious mind that I crucified myself. Or, if it was, I thought I was dealing with it-- maybe I thought I was past it? But the longer I have lived in my own skin, the more I have realized that I was taught self-criticism, shaming and negative self-talk as my norm. It was so familiar to me, and to the people I was around, who wanted to find ‘motivation’ and ‘success’ in their lives. I couldn’t see how pervasive and destructive it was, and still is. But as I began to see this pattern in my life, I began to see it’s destructiveness and the difficulty it caused me on a daily basis. Thankfully, I met some folks who were learning to stop beating up on themselves, and who were willing to help me begin some kinder and gentler practices in my own life. But I need continual help, and my prayer remains ‘God, help me to learn another way-- to not have to crucify myself.’

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Music and Lyrics by Tori Amos

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from Seeing You in Me, released February 21, 2018

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wade baynham Durham, North Carolina

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